Resource Library

Stress

By Karen Waters, Ph.D, Clinical Psychologist

Q: How does stress effect children? Do children need professional help to deal with stress?

Stress is an ongoing part of life. Stress can be defined as tension that occurs when something does not fit one’s ideas of how things should be. It also serves to educate us as to how the world works. For example, a child who identifies every animal as a “dog” will feel a form of tension when a parent corrects her by saying, “No, that’s a cat.” However, she will benefit from this stress by relearning new information.

Stress is on a continuum. At one end are everyday events which cause some mild stress for children, like having a babysitter or waking up tired. Some good things which happen to children are also on this scale. For example, being in a school play may be good ("I am a star") and bad ("I’ll forget my lines") at the same time.

At the other end of the continuum are stressful events which can be lifelong stresses for children. For example, the effects of child abuse may persist over time and contribute to difficulties in forming relationships with others. It is the many points in between on the continuum which can make it difficult for caregivers to decide if a child needs professional help.

How can I tell if my child’s life is too stressful?

Each child is a unique individual. However, certain factors usually play into the experience of stress for children. The child’s developmental level in regard to his or her capability should be considered. Physical and emotional states also contribute to whether an event is stressful or not. For example, a tired child may react very differently than a rested child in getting up to go to school. Age and temperament are two more factors to consider. The development of fears is more prevalent at certain ages.

What can parents do to help their children deal with stress?

  • The parent should observe how their child reacts to stress, in general. Some children are more sensitive to environmental stress due to heredity.
  • Parents should identify potential stresses and prepare their child for them. Talking about the first day of school well in advance of the actual date, showing a child the school he will attend, assuring him that you will be there at the end of the day will make the first day less stressful.
  • When a child is reacting extremely to stress, parents need to look at the situation objectively. A teacher’s complaint about the child may be due to her misbehavior at school, her reaction to a new sibling or even her reaction to an inexperienced teacher who has not learned management of the children in her classroom. Once the situation is reviewed, the parent should identify any stresses that they can help alleviate for their child.
  • Parents need a good understanding of what children usually do at certain ages. For example, one study demonstrated that almost half of children from 6-12 have significant fears. However, if your child’s fears keeps him home from school regularly, he should be seen professionally.

How can parents determine whether or not their child needs a counselor to deal with stress?

A key factor as to whether children need professional help is how a child uses “defenses.” A defense is a way of shielding ourselves from the impact of stress. Some defenses are useful; for example, a child faced with a test might say to herself, “This test is no big deal; I am a good person no matter how I do.” This defense may allow a child to keep her worrying from interfering with her performance for short periods of time. Obviously there are times when this is maladaptive. A child who consistently does not study for tests NEEDS to worry about her performance to succeed.

Whenever defenses interfere with family relationships, friendships and/or school over time, the child most likely needs assistance to develop better coping strategies. These new tools will allow her to find success in the areas of school, home and friends and will help her surmount different problems in the future.

Perhaps the best way to assess your child’s stress is to look at whether it is keeping her or other family members from learning or enjoying. While a two or three year old child’s tantrums may be normal, a family who never goes out because their child has tantrums needs some assistance. If a problem persists beyond what seems reasonable, a consultation with a member of Children’s Hospital’s Developmental Pediatrics Team can help you decide if an additional consultation by a psychologist is in order.

Return to Previous Page

The information on this site is provided for informational and educational purposes only; it does not contain specific medical advice. If you have specific health questions or problems, consult a health care professional for personal medical advice.